Hi, I would like for you to meet my mom. I love her so much. And this is a post about me, my mom and depression. Loving her is not easy. The Serenity pray is always & forever in my mind.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Reflecting I have come to realize I began experiencing depression since 8th/9th grade. The depression was at different levels during my life- the worst being after the delivery of my son. Yes, weather and sunshine plays a role, but there are those times when I need the medication to get me over the hump. As an adult I have realized that my mom is suffering from depression as well. Does she realize this, I have wondered and have concluded she must be in denial. Now as this is said out loud, my next thought is if she even has the capability to even think/understand this possibility.
Back in January I knew my depression was returning. I was crying over the drop of a hat. My thoughts were rolling. I was dwelling on events and or feelings. It was time to start taking my meds and I called my doctor. It just amazes me on how this medicine works, Lexapro. Rolling thoughts, I had them. Dwelling on a subject. If you were to ask me for an example right now, I couldn’t recite a single rolling thought. The medicine is working! Anonymous says it well here.
Mom is in her early 70’s. Still young in my opinion. She’s the youngest of my elderly family members, yet she acts the oldest. She refuses to take any meds. I’m wondering if this is the denial I spoke of earlier. She even has made negative references to the guardianship of our son. Her fear is that we (me and my dad) might try to do this with her. My dad loves to travel on his motorcycle. Mom used to ride with him. Now she stays home. Her excuse is the dogs have to stay on a routine (for their medicines and eating schedule). When she first got her dog, it was wonderful. Mom was happy again. But now, time later, she’s back to not laughing much and always the victim- always about her.
Yesterday was the straw for me. My daughter graduated with her masters degree in nursing. She had invited family to the ceremony with dinner following at Red Robin- invites went out about a month ago on Facebook. I will point out that my dad does not do FB- mom does. After this weekend, I will now not just ask my mom. Going forward, I will make one phone call to mom and a second to my dad. Of all the family that went, my parents were the only ones that did not attend. Really disappointing.
Dad wasn’t aware of the graduation- mom didn’t tell him. He was on a motorcycle trip and wasn’t due home until that evening. I had asked mom if she would like to ride with us. No, she didn’t want to go to dinner; needed to be home in time to feed the dog. She said she would drive herself. She didn’t call and say she wouldn’t be there; we saved her a seat. My writing here is choppy I know and am sorry. It’s probably time for me to end this post. Still trying to figure out how I want to approach my mom; wondering if I even should. Of the prayer, is this a time I need to except or have the courage to try asking her to seek the medical advice of her doctor?
Take care and best wishes.